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Even 8 Pat Downs Wasn’t Enough for this Reporter

November 29, 2010 By
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Even after 8 trips through the pat down line, the TSA failed to discover metal items in a New York Times reporter’s pocket. Just like Adam Savage’s razor blades and the TSA’s partial abandonment of scanners and “enhanced” pat downs on Opt Out Day, this story adds to the overwhelming evidence that what the TSA does is just security theater.

Last Monday at Kennedy International Airport, as I went — ticket in hand — to experience it for myself, a uniformed officer informed me that she would be patting me down from head to toe, using a new enhanced technique. On “sensitive areas” — the breasts, buttocks and groin — she would use the back of her hand.

Did I have any metal objects in my pockets? No. Would I prefer a private screening area? No.

…

Then the officer’s hands did as she warned me they would. They poked around the back of my collar, they extended along my shoulders, they ran up and down my arms, they smoothed down my back, they slid inside the back waistband of my pants and they glided down my butt. The officer bent down and I felt her hands skate up the back of my left thigh — all the way up — and then do the same on my right. Then she rose, came around in front of me, and began again.

As she acquainted herself with the precise topography of my bra, it seemed a fitting moment to get to know each other a bit. “I bet people are freaking out about this,” I said.

…

Reaching into my pocket to pay, I found metal objects (keys and coins) that the pat-down had missed. Oh well. I exited the secure area, put a battery in my pocket to up the ante, and headed back to the tail end of the security line to see if a second inspector might be any more perceptive.

…

All told, I submitted to the security agency’s 10-fingered salutation eight times in one day — enough to win the respect of George Clooney’s character in “Up in the Air.”

…

It’s amazing how quickly the pat-down evolves from shocking indignity to banal hassle, just like padding around barefoot while your pants fall down and your toothpaste tube gets the third degree, something airline travelers have been experiencing for years now. The inconvenience is worth it, of course, if it works — if it uncovers potential dangers before they board a plane.

That’s what a spokesman for the T.S.A. informed me, afterward, the officers’ job was: to assess whether I posed a threat to aviation. He would not comment on whether that should have included checking out the objects hidden in my pocket. All I know is I went through the line eight times, and not a single inspector noticed them.

Filed Under: Coverage, Featured Tagged With: FAIL, New York Times, patdown, TSA
  • RegularGuy

    My daughter forgot and left her small pepper spray device on her keychain when she went through screening at O’Hare. It wasn’t noticed by TSA. She ended up carrying it onboard the plane in her purse.

  • Rebecca

    From what I’ve heard had you been an employee of TSA trying to see if you could get anything past the screeners heads would have rolled. So I think the comment about determining whether you were a threat can pretty much be dismissed.

  • Rebecca

    I’ve gone through lines in the past with everything from knives to cigarette lighters (when I smoked) without any problems. I once went through 5 airport (3 different airports) screening processes before anyone said anything about a knife I was carrying that I had forgotten to take out of my purse before traveling. I think almost every traveler has similar stories. The TSA is ineffectual, always has been. If anyone thinks they are safer for them I’ve got some great beachfront property in Florida for sale cheap, call me.

  • TomDean

    The TSA is not trained or disciplined enough to provide proper security. Any analyst will tell you that if you have low paid, basically uneducated employees performing mind-numbing repetitive tasks, that performance will approach almost ZERO productivity. Imagine you doing pat downs all day long, do you think after the 1000th person, you really could give a damn?

  • Pat Merewther

    I was patted down and scanned last April at the Tulsa, OK airport. . . after I had to pay an extra $200 to change my ticked so I could return home earlier than planned, and had to pay $60 a day for a dog sitter (or pay and extra $100 EACH WAY to the airline) if I wanted to take my ten-pound pup with me (even though he would fit under my seat). Will I fly again? Not damn likely . . . . I’ll drive, take a train or ride a YAK before I’ll pay big bucks to be groped. If anyone is going to grope me THEY will have to pay ME big bucks – - – oh, wait, that’s called prostitution and that’s against the law . . . . right?

  • Tank Armor

    I have a small combat medic folding razor I’ve kept in my wallet since my days in basic training, I have made it through 96 airports and it gets x-rayed everytime. Once after I got through, the man behind me had his stainless steel designer pen taken away. These TSA knuckleheads don’t even watch the simple machine they are told to watch. But will gladly take anything of value that could be perceived as dangerous. I’m sure that pen never made it to the inspection box. I have no respect for the TSA or the DHS. Both are there to complicate american lives and simplify the terrorist lives.

  • Andrew

    I was treated to two beautiful bits of security theatre at Austin-Bergstrom on Nov 28:

    At my gate, the flight before mine was treated to “random additional screening.” All passengers were asked to open their carry-on bags (such as purses and laptop bags but not their luggage). TSA agents then proceeded to peer into each shoulder-strapped bag for a maximum of three seconds without touching a single item inside the bags. If someone had mistakenly left a gun, knife, or bomb on the top of their purse, I suppose this additional check would have saved lives, but otherwise it was the most hilarious act of security theatre I’ve seen yet.

    For my own flight, TSA came back and asked us to have our IDs out, but they only looked at every other person’s. My wife, her arms full with a baby, had her ID thoroughly inspected, but when I offered my ID the TSA agent said, “no thank you.”

    Really, TSA?

    On the other hand, I walked right through the medal detector with my keys and no alarm sounded. Oh well.

  • Chris

    It starts out like an erotic article in the back of a smut mag, but kind of leaves you hanging at the end. I don’t think people would mind so much if they at least wound up with a happy ending.

  • CDO

    Since I have metal prostheses in both legs I have had the distinct “pleasure” of going through the pat down process every time I have flown since 9-11. I repeat EVERY TIME. This will not change with the body scanners as my prostheses will show up as an anomaly requiring further screening. I refuse to submit to being treated like a criminal because I purchased a plane ticket. This final insult to dignity and modesty is where I draw the line. Unfortunately, this will limit my ability to visit with family members that are scattered across the country to when I can take the time to drive but I refuse to be de-humanized and molested to travel.

  • J. Cocktosin

    Get this!!! I went San Diego airport on Sunday to pickup my daughter, who was traveling alone. they airline gives you a gate pass and then you have to go through TSA screening – like a reg. passenger. While in line, the TSA were apparently in the midst of a shift change. So, the line got really long and they were short handed. I guess they’ve never heard of “shift-overlap”.

    Like many have reported, the naked body scanners were NOT being used except as a secondary – and only if the alarm goes off. When I finally got to the bins, I placed my shoes in there along with my phone. Just as I was stepping through the metal detector, I realized I did not put my car keys in the bin. I though “oh no, here we go!” But guess what? Nothing! The darn thing did not even go off!!! I have to assume it was not even turned on or was disabled. I’ve seen a dime set those things off!

    I could not believe it. So, just in case any of you think you are all safe and that the TSA is doing a superb job, think again!

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